What women eat

My tenure in the catering industry has been brief. I would never deny that, or feign a level of awareness I have yet to attain. But being brand new, training wheels in tow, creates a nature similar to that of a sponge. Concepts are novel, every moment a teachable one, each experience potentially formative. While sometimes discouraging, to know so little, seeing things for the first time is also enlivening. Engaged and bright eyed, the new chapter is full of promise.  Humbling too. 

Before we as rational beings have a chance to develop adequate know-how, we are more likely to believe what we are told by authority figures. We lack a benchmark to compare our recent knowledge against, and cannot draw from prior experiences necessarily. If a concept is reinforced enough, we may draw conclusions.  Such conclusions aren't always accurate though, and generalizations can be damaging, paving the way for prejudices.  One such idea that has been reinforced time and time again at work has to do with what women eat.

On more than one occasion, to be accurate on more occasions than I can count on two hands, people have described their female dinner guests as unlikely to desire anything more than a salad or a light option.

"We are mostly ladies, so nothing too heavy. We are all watching our figures...Can we swap out that Tenderloin for something like fish? I don't think the ladies will like something so substantial."

 I am intrigued by this assumption that a woman shouldn't want a bountiful or hearty option. That I as a woman, might be denied the chance to sink my teeth into a burger topped with a fried egg, the yolk dripping down the corners of my mouth. That a man need not watch his figure the same way I am supposed to. And can't a dude be vegetarian too?

Despite our advances as a gender over time, there is still a lingering belief in some factions that ladies will not eat the same way men will. Portions should be small, options light, and varieties few. I say, eat what works best for your body. If a vegan lifestyle is your truth, then by all means seek it. Pescetarian, gluten-free, or dairy-free, or "I only eat pork on days that begin with T". All of these options are valid. Food is truly our life force and should be treated with such reverence. What we put in our bodies defines how we feel, how we view ourselves, and how we view the world around us. 

Of course, there are some dramatics here, and I myself am presenting a mere correlation between gender and food selection in a narrow segment of the population. I still find it worth mentioning as somewhere in the deep recesses of our minds, woman should be eating a certain way. We have done away with little white gloves, but still order a salad on the first date so the partner across the table from us believes we treat our bodies well. Or hey, we just like salad, and that is just fine as well. I think there is a grain of truth here though, and grains grow into bigger concepts. 

I'll have the short ribs with a grain salad on the side. And a milk shake, but only on Sundays. What will you be having?

Breathe it in

I caught myself looking in the mirror. I try not to make it a habit of peering too deeply or I end up noticing blemishes and other trivial things. While I studied my face, time felt like it was standing still. I was grateful for each blemish, my eyebrows, my nose. I realized that exact moment would never exist again.  Gone into thin air it will go. I will age, my hair will grow, and my face will change. If I am fortunate, I will develop laugh lines.

All too often I forget to take a step back and breathe it in. My mind too busy evaluating the bigger picture. Nonetheless, I remain cognizant that until I am unabashedly grateful for something, anything, there will never be enough. I want to strive and succeed, but I more desperately want to feel whole in the moment.

As an exercise in being present, I take a personal inventory.

Today I didn't solve world hunger. I didn't single handedly build a brand, save a life, or give a talk at a TED Conference. I wasn't able to run five miles. I'm not necessarily my ideal weight. There are still many unknowns. 

But I did smile at a stranger while walking down Bloomfield Avenue. She was nearing eighty or so and looked sullen until I acknowledged her. Then she flashed the toothiest grin I've ever seen. I saw a child's spirit in her eyes. 

I fixed my bed. There is abundant research in psychology supporting the notion that a fixed bed will enhance overall happiness. I even left the rest of the house somewhat clean when I departed this morning. If the house was a mess though, at least that bed was pristine, every pillow in its place.

There was a luscious latte at Raymond's. Its foam reminded me of a Disney movie. Finding hidden meanings in my food is a simple pleasure I enjoy twofold. 1. Meaning is uncovered. 2. Food and drink is had. 

I learned something new at work. Actually four or five completely new things. It is both humbling and infuriating all at once to see how much is left to discover. Without even scratching the surface, I am tickled by the possibilities.

My Nana surprised me. I find it remarkable that you can know a person your entire life, and they still manage to do something you hadn't anticipated. Out of the blue she used sexy in a sentence, via text I might add. She texts, yes. She is just the coolest woman. Cooler then I'll likely ever be. 

My cousins and I hiked to an overlook in the Pocono Mountains. My fingers were numb and eyes teared, but my mind was clear. The air was crisp. James will argue Pennsylvania air is the cleanest air you will find. 

pennsylvania.jpg

At that moment, there was truth to his hometown prejudice.

I called a friend, made chocolate chip cookies, and said my prayers.

...

A recurring theme in my thoughts is how we as people endeavor to find our place.  For me that "place" is yet to be identified, unless I've already found it. That is not so far fetched to consider. Wherever I am is the only place I have.  I might as well breathe it in and make it count. 

Spread the Word and Sundance

I was tabling in Red Square a few Marches back as a student at Georgetown. Red Square was a safe place for students to converge and share their heartfelt views via flyers, sidewalk chalk, and demonstrations. It was conveniently located in the almost-center of campus, trafficked by droves of undergraduate and graduate students day in and out. A ripe place to spread the word.

Alongside other Best Buddies  participants, I was tabling to spread the word to end the derogatory use of the word "retard", a word that has become all too common, used to implying someone or something is less or flawed in our society. Joining other advocates of the Spread the Word to End the Word movement nationwide, we had a petition to be signed by passer-bys.

"I pledge and support the elimination of the derogatory use of the r-word from everyday speech and promote the acceptance and inclusion of people with intellectual disabilities."

While we were received rather positively overall and gathered many signatures, there is one encounter in particular that stands out in my memory. A man started to question us about his First Amendment Constitutional right to freedom of speech. He was outraged by this entreaty to end hateful language. I was a little younger then and likely more docile from what I can recall, but with the arrival of the R-Word's annual day of awareness (March 5, 2014), I am moved to offer my take on the matter yet again. 

To the abrasive man from Red Square, I say...

We must not misconstrue a right for an obligation. We are indeed protected by the Constitution of the United States to speak as we wish, and to use whatever language we have the opportunity to use. After all, words are nothing but letters strung together in sequence. What is conveyed and implied by these words, however, affects other people. Rights are sacred, but need not be abused. 

I have the rights to behave combatively,  to spew hurtful speech, berate, and break down others if I want to. I have the ability to behave like an imbecile, to lie, steal, and cheat. A perversion of our Constitution can protect these behaviors as well.  More important than rights is an obligation to  be a decent human being. The right to do something in no way requires that behavior. 

So yes, the man in Red Square can use the r-word if he lacks an alternative to use in it's place, but I would challenge him to consider the impact of his speech. To reflect on how the world will receive his words and challenge the ostracism of talented and vibrant individuals worldwide. I fell fervently that eliminating the use of the r-word will diminish the divide cast between populations of varying abilities. We will celebrate our differences rather than condemn them.


A takeaway. This video speaks to the courage of a spirited young boy with Down Syndrome. Fueled by his family's love, acceptance, and encouragement, Beau made it all the way to the Sundance Film Festival for his role in LITTLE ACCIDENTS . I don't know of many people who have achieved the same; I see nothing but abilities here. Do you?